For many years, I was positive about the upcoming opportunities that come with New Year's resolutions. I made empty promises about learning new hobbies, and losing weight that I would only get around to for the first couple of days in the year. One half of my brain would distract me from my goals, while the other would chastise myself for slacking off. This internal battle would take up most of my time in January, before I would just give up and anticipate the next year to try the same goals over again. As I entered into high school, these goals grew more desperate, and surprisingly, more avoidable, as I made excuses to avoid the hard work. As the year passed by, all I would do is yell at myself. “Why didn’t you work out? You look ugly anyways..” “Why didn’t you learn the guitar? You could have performed at that exhibition.” “Why didn’t you take those online classes? You could have had an higher GPA.” Slowly, the negative thoughts became too much to bear, and I thought of myself as a disappointment, a fraud. A girl who spends her time trying to make others lives possible can’t even help herself? As I reflected upon that question, I realized something. “This year was actually fun.” Yeah, I didn't get to those resolution, but I did achieve other goals along the way. I made new friends, embraced things that I’m passionate about, and learned how to motivate others. While I didn’t achieve that one specific goal, I achieved a lot more through my own work, without even realizing it. Then, if I am happy about my progress, why would I create something that puts me down? This year, I don’t have a resolution. Instead of trying to achieve a goal that I probably won’t achieve, I want to be positive about the things I’ve already been doing. I want to have a healthy mindset going into this current year, and just go with the flow. If I can do a goal, I will do it, but if the opportunity doesn’t arise, I won’t force it. I learned something through this process: It’s better to be happy with who you are now compared to who you want to be. Currently, this year is going pretty well for me. I’ve already made a couple of new friends within the things I enjoy, and I’ve already found new things I’m passionate about. While I didn’t try to achieve my standard goals, they already came through in the end, as I‘ve already written multiple songs that I would want to perform, which has been a huge goal for me in recent years. While New Year’s resolutions are positive to most people, pushing them to the right direction, I feel that all that push did for me is prevent the natural flow of events, creating what I used to love into a dreading commitment. Now that the commitment is gone, I can do what I love, without any self deprivation.
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